Tainted
by UtSuKuShIi MoOn
Summary: AU–Hisoka lives with a sin that forever haunts him. Memories that are fading ghosts to him plagues his dreams while the living flesh and body of the one man representing his sin haunts him in reality. However, he continues to pray for forgiveness, but when a man dressed in black enters his life, he may just succumb to the darkness swirling inside him. YAOI Chapter 1 rewrite up.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary**: AU–Hisoka lives with a sin that forever haunts him. Memories that are fading ghosts to him plagues his dreams while the living flesh and body of the one man representing his sin haunts him in reality. However, he continues to pray for forgiveness, but when a man dressed in black enters his life, he may just succumb to the darkness swirling inside him.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Yami no Matsuei

**Author's Note**: Characters may be out of character. This fanfiction has nothing to do with the manga/anime and will never be related to it. This will be yaoi, which means boy x boy. If you do not like that genre, please do not read. Rated M to be on the safe side.

**Warning**: Rated M for mature content.

* * *

**Chapter One: The Man Dressed in Black**

The sound of thunder crackled outside of the church. Lightning flashed through the sky as rain poured from the dark clouds. The pattering of the raindrops against the windows echoed in the silence. In the dimly lit church, a young boy knelt before the altar with his head bowed and hands wrapped over one another. The cross of Christ hung above his head as he murmured under his breath. "Forgive me my Lord, for I have sinned..." he whispered. Another thunder crackled through the sky. Startled, the boy glanced up from where he knelt and stared up at the cross. His lips quivered. God has not forgiven him. Tonight was a reminder of that for the sky was raining as God's tears and the thunder was his anger. He would never be forgiven for his sin. He shuddered at the thought. "Forgive me," he begged, a single tear falling from his large emerald eyes. Though now he was no longer asking God to forgive. He was begging the very soul of a certain someone, the image of the haunting boy that stained his memories, to forgive him. But never again would he ever hear the boy's angelic voice ring in his ears.

"It's quite late in the night to be here and praying for forgiveness," interrupted a voice from behind the boy.

Jumping from the man's voice, he slowly stood and faced the man. He stared at a silver eye with an emotionless expression. Eyes closed, he bowed to the man, "Good evening, Father Muraki," he greeted in a soft tone. He could hear a light chuckle from the man. Eyes opening slowly, he straightened himself and stared at the man again. Muraki was smiling at him, but the boy could almost see something sinister behind it. He quickly glanced away, hearing the sound of footsteps. He looked back and found Muraki standing in front of him, leaning over so their faces were mere inches apart.

"Good evening to you too, Hisoka," Muraki said quietly, "Praying again, are we?"

"Yes," Hisoka replied curtly.

"Such strong devotion."

"If I wish to ascend to paradise, I must have a strong devotion to God. Is that not what you preach to us every day?"

Another low chuckle from Muraki caused a shiver to run down his spine. Cold, slender fingers touched his face, running down from his left cheek to his jaw line. He could feel the older man's breath against his other cheek as the Father leaned down more, brushing his lips against his ear. He shivered, letting out a shaking breath. He waited patiently to let the man finish what he was doing. Fingers smoothed down his jaw line to his neck.

"Do you fear me child?" Muraki asked next to his ear.

Hisoka gulped and shook his head. "No Father Muraki," he answered with a stable voice, "For what reasons should I fear the man who guides our young hearts with God's words?"

"None...it is late. You should head to bed. The abbot, as much as he encourages us to pray, also does not allow the students to stay beyond curfew," Muraki informed as he stepped back to allow space between them again.

Hisoka nodded his head and walked passed Muraki. The long aisle seem to be even longer in the night. He stopped briefly before opening the door and turned to look at Muraki. Dressed in white, with silver hair gleaming when the silvery lighting flashed in the room, he was like an angel descending from heaven to wreck havoc among the tainted souls or worst...he was like an angel who fell from the heavens, wrecking havoc among the souls who devoted their life to God. A flash of memory from a long time ago flickered through his mind. Two bodies writhed against one another in heat. A heated breathing, turned into panting and begging for more. Slicked, sweaty bodies pushed on each other, harder and faster. Hisoka gulped, shaking his head to rid himself of the onslaught of images. They were memories he wanted to forget. Frowning slightly, Hisoka turned on his heels. Now that he thought about it, that night was so much like this night. Another shaking breath, filled with despair and self hatred. Never again did he want to remember, but they were tied to him, etched into his very flesh. His sin to remember. He quickly left for his dorm room, not wanting to stay near the church a minute longer.

Morning came with the sound of birds chirping and sunlight. It was as though the storm never happened. Hisoka walked through the hallways of the Catholic school. It was an all boy's school, so there was no room for the young boys to fall in love in school, but from time to time rumors of students having a relationship with one another would pass through the walls. A sin that was truly disgusting in the eyes of all. Sighing, Hisoka stopped in his tracks and turned to look at the garden. He leaned against the peachy color pillar, dazing out into the open. Water droplets glistened in the light, falling from the boughs of trees. They pattered against the leaves and petals of flowers and then sank into the dirt of the green grass. Hisoka noticed a vibrant, red rose among the other flowers. He was tempted to pick it, but if he did, he knew he would only get in trouble. Biting his lower lips, he turned away so that he wasn't looking at it anymore, but as he turned he found himself staring right into the petals of the same rose. Taken by surprise, he slightly gasped and took a step back. He stared at the rose for a while before allowing his gaze to drift up. His eyes locked with a pair of gentle, amethyst eyes. They were beautiful. Eyes like gems, gleaming softly with the utmost care. He wanted to get lost in them.

"You were staring at this rose like you wanted it, so I thought I would get it for you," said the man with a smile.

"The abbot would get mad at you for plucking such a rose," Hisoka said as he looked away from the man.

"Really? It's such a waste to have a beautiful flower like this just there. It should be given to a beautiful young maiden."

Hisoka's eyes widened at the man's words. He scowled and swatted the hand that was holding the flower away. He glared at the shocked man, insulted by his words. This was not the first time he was mistaken for a girl. He always knew his small shoulders, large eyes, and petite face was effeminate. But one would think being in an all boy's school, the man standing before him would have better judgment. "If you haven't noticed, this is an _all boy's_Catholic school. There are no girls or women here. For your information, _I am a boy_," stated Hisoka with a frown, "Hmph!" He crossed his arms across his chest, ignoring the older man's shocked face and walked pass him. He kept his gaze on the floor as he walked, but glanced away briefly only to stop in tracks in surprise. The man was standing in front of him again. He looked over his shoulder, but there was no one there. Looking back to the man suspiciously, Hisoka opened his mouth to ask how the man had gotten in front of him so fast, but he was interrupted before he could ask.

"I'm sorry," he said apologetically, "My mistake. You were stunningly beautiful, I just thought you were a girl."

Hisoka blushed at his words, "I already told you that I'm a boy, so please refrain from saying that I'm beautiful. No man or boy would want to be called that."

"I see, then I'm sorry again. Ah, but here, take the rose. You seem to like it very much. It'd be a waste to throw it away now."

Hisoka hesitantly reached out and took the rose into his hand. A small smile graced his lips as he gazed at the rose lovingly. He looked up to thank the man, but he was gone. Hisoka stared at the empty space before him, holding tightly onto the rose. It was as if the man was an angel himself, whisking his thoughts away from the darkness. He hoped to see the man again. The chime of the bells echoed through the premises, indicating that it was time for prayers. Opening his bible, he placed the stem of the rose between the pages of the thick book and then closed it. He heaved a sigh and made his way to the church.

Among the crowd of students, Hisoka sat in the middle of them all. With his book open, he listened as Muraki preached the words of Gods. Towards the end of the sermon, the Father made one last prayer just as the doors to the building opened. Hisoka looked to see the same man from earlier who had given him the rose walked down the aisle. His eyes followed the man as he ascended the alter to stand besides Muraki. All the students looked up at him and a wave of murmur drifted through the crowd. Standing before all of them was a strange man. A necklace of the cross hung around his neck, glimmering when the beam of the sunlight hit it. His amethyst eyes swept over the bodies of students, but they fell upon Hisoka, staring at him as though it saw right through him. Hisoka held his breath at the sight of such a beautiful creature standing on the altar as the light from the windows shined upon him. Standing besides Muraki, the man was like the opposite of him. While Muraki dressed in all white with white hair and silver eyes, the man wore all black graced with beautiful eyes. White cuffs touched the neckline and sleeves of the robe the man wore, but other than that, everything was black. He was like a fallen angel.

"I almost forgot to mention," said Muraki as he pushed his glasses up, "This is Father Tsuzuki. As we all know, Father Mizuki passed away due to an illness. Father Tsuzuki will now be taking his place as the music instructor. Now let us all have a moment of silence for Father Mizuki and our most beloved student, Hijiri. May both their spirits rest in peace."

After a few minutes of silence, Muraki dismissed the students. They filed out slowly, whispering amongst themselves about the new teacher. Hisoka got up to leave, catching one last glimpse of Tsuzuki before he left the building and Tsuzuki's figure disappeared from his line of sight. As he walked down the hall to enter his class, he heard some of the students comment about how gorgeous the Father was. Hisoka's lips twitched slightly at the name. They were words that were once whispered when Father Mizuki had first entered. Old memories flooded him. He only hoped nothing would ever repeat like it did before.

Classes afterward went by quickly and soon it was already his last class. Hisoka entered the half filled room, quickly glancing at the front of the room to see Tsuzuki sitting down in his chair. As though he could feel Hisoka's gaze on him, Tsuzuki looked up and again their gaze met. For a moment, Hisoka thought time had stopped, but the voices around him told him otherwise. He was the first to look away, heading to his desk in the back of the room. When the class was filled, Tsuzuki began his lesson. Hisoka found the man to be clumsy. Throughout the lesson, the class was filled with laughter and his jokes. Hisoka, however, never broke a smile or a laugh. He opened his bible and noticed the rose slip out from the pages. He stared at the red petals. It was a beautiful color in his stark gray world. He carefully tucked the rose back into the bible, making sure it wouldn't fall out again before began reading it, zoning out all the noises around him. "But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, and the one who lifts up my head. I cry to God with my voice, and he answers me out of his holy hill..." he read under his breath.

"-soka! Hisoka!" called out Tsuzuki.

Hearing his name being called, Hisoka looked up and glanced around the room, realizing that all eyes were on him. They were staring at him like he was a bit crazy. He brought his gaze back to Tsuzuki who was smiling cheerfully at him. He didn't know why this man was always so cheery looking. Even when they had first met and when he stood on the altar before the students, he was smiling. It made Hisoka a little annoyed.

"Ahhh, there you go with that frown again," said Tsuzuki, "If you keep frowning like that, you'll get wrinkles!"

The class laughed, but Hisoka's frown remained. He did not like being disturbed when he was reading his bible. It was his only way of escape, his only way of feeling as if he was atoning for the sin he was to live with forever. "Father Tsuzuki, I don't think teaching includes making jokes throughout the lesson. I believe that I learned a lot more from reading the bible than listening to your jokes," he stated bluntly.

The class looked away in awkwardness. Tsuzuki stared at him for a while and then looked away to dismiss the class. Hisoka got up, closing the book and left first before anyone else. Dinner was being prepared and most students would run to the cafeteria after the last class, but Hisoka never did such a thing. He seated himself on a brown bench in the garden, watching the sunset. Brushing a few locks of his blond hair behind his ears, he traced the letters on the bible that was seated on his lap. He closed his eyes and listened carefully to the sound of nature surrounding him. The peacefulness stilled his wavering heart. A soft breeze nipped his skin, carrying a familiar voice on its back. He could hear the voice ringing within him, echoing deep inside him. It shook him to the core.

"_Hisoka!" yelled a familiar voice, "Look!" _

It was such an angelic voice. How he longed to hear it again, but not in memories. He wanted to hear it in real life again, but no more will that voice laugh childishly at him. He could still see the face of the boy whose voice continues to haunt him. It was a face so similar to his. The same green eyes, but they were eyes that smiled more, brighter and brilliant. People would flock to him because of it...that and his skillful violin playing along with his melodic angelic voice. No one could not have noticed him. He was young, beautiful, charismatic, and cheerful. The opposite of him who was more silent and often kept to himself. But he did not need anyone else because that boy was there to love him. He did not anyone...or so he had thought. He frowned, remembering when he had laid his eyes on Father Mizuki. The man was truly an angel with fair hair and skin and a gentle smile. A smile similar to a particular someone he had just met. His eyes fluttered open. He blinked and realized a pair of amethyst eyes were staring at him. Gasping, he jolted at the sight.

"Oh!" Tsuzuki said, "Didn't mean to startle you. I thought you were asleep and wanted to wake you up. Tonight is a little chilly and I didn't want any students to catch a cold."

"I...wasn't," Hisoka said with a small frown.

"You're always frowning." Tsuzuki tilted his head to the side with a worry look. "If you're ever in need of talking to someone, I'm here to listen."

"I'm fine."

"I see...you're always alone too."

"What does that matter?"

"Should you not go and be with your friends? I think that will cheer you up very much."

"I don't have any."

"You don't?!"

Hisoka raised a brow at the shock look on Tsuzuki's face. It was exaggerated with his hands placed on either side of his cheek. He rolled his eyes and adjusted himself on the bench. Reluctantly, he scooted over to let Tsuzuki sit down, but he didn't say a word to him. However, his gesture was enough to let Tsuzuki know because the man quickly sat down beside him with a childish grin plastered on his face. Hisoka glanced away, tightening his grip on the bible in his lips. It seem to catch the attention of the new Father because he pointed to it.

"You're very serious about your loyalty to God, aren't you?" asked Tsuzuki.

Hisoka looked at him and said quietly, "Because I can only ask for forgiveness from God."

"For forgiveness? Why is that? Why not pray for protection?"

"You won't understand."

"Hmm..."

Tsuzuki turned to look at him, smiling as usual. He grinned and patted Hisoka's head, disheveling his hair. Hisoka scowled and slapped Tsuzuki's hand away. He glared at the older man, but Tsuzuki merely laughed at him. He disliked being treated like a child. After all, he was no longer a child after everything that happened. Crossing his arms across his shoulder, he looked away from the older man.

"I'll be taking off then," said Tsuzuki as he got up to stretch his arms, "Don't stay out too long Hisoka. You might catch a cold. I wouldn't want you missing out on class. By the way, you should eat more. You're so skinny!"

Tsuzuki wrapped his hand around Hisoka's wrist and grinned. Rolling his eyes, he tugged his hand away and grunted. Tucking the bible under his arms, he watched as Tsuzuki walked away. His black clothes fluttered as the wind began to pick up. Shivering from the cold, Hisoka decided it was time for him to leave too. He grabbed something to eat in the cafeteria to appease his growling stomach before leaving.

In the dark corridors of the dorms, Hisoka walked silently through them with a lantern in hand. He footsteps echoed through the long halls, setting an eerie feeling through the building. Stopping abruptly, he strained his ears, listening to another echo of footsteps. It was coming from in front of him and heading towards him. He remained in his place, watching as the dark silhouette of the figure revealed himself. Muraki was walking towards him with a cold smile plastered on his face. Hisoka dropped his gaze to the floor as his body became stiff. Muraki stopped in front of him, chuckling as he tipped Hisoka's head up by the chin.

"Out late again?" he asked.

"...yes," answered Hisoka, "You're out late yourself."

"Just checking on the students. I wouldn't want any rumors spreading again."

"I see."

Muraki removed his fingers from the bottom of Hisoka's chin and continued on his way. However, Hisoka could still feel the lingering presence of Muraki's fingers. He touched them softly and shivered at the thought of it. They were fingers he knew intimately, but hated them. Disgusted from the touch, he wiped his chin as if hoping it would rid him of the feeling of being tainted. When his chin was rubbed raw and red, he lifted the lantern back up and started walking again. As he walked back to his room, he began to whisper to calm himself, "Blessed is the man who doesn't walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the way of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the Lord's law. On his law he meditates day and night. He will be like a tree planted by the streams of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also does not wither. Whatever he does shall prosper..." Exhaling a shaky sigh, Hisoka opened the door to his room. Walking in, he set the lantern on top of the small end table besides his bed. The bed squeaked under his weight as he lied down to sleep. Turning to lie on his side, he stared at the empty bed across from him.

"Good night Hijiri," he murmured as he fell into slumber.

He dreamed a dark dream, a dream of a man dressed in black who had come to take his life.

* * *

**A/N: **So this was the rewrite of the first chapter. Not much difference. I just added some stuff. I am hoping to restart this fanfic. DX I don't even know why I never continued it. Anyways, I will try to update soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Yami no Matsuei

**Author's Note**: Characters may be out of character. This fanfiction has nothing to do with the manga/anime and will never be related to it. This will be yaoi, which means boy x boy. If you do not like that genre, please do not read. Rated M to be on the safe side.

**Warning**: Rated M for mature content.

* * *

**Chapter Two: Cursed**

Hisoka sat in his desk, staring out the window as lecture droned on. Once the bell rang, he packed up and followed the crowd of students heading to the cafeteria. It was lunch and then afterward there would be a sermon to attend. He was beginning to tire, wanting to skip out on the rest of the classes after the sermon. Sleep seemed very tempting. Stifling a yawn, he slipped his bible into his bag and got in line for lunch. He chose to eat braised balsamic chicken with brown rice. After getting his food, he sat down at a table far from the other students, alone like usual. He liked to eat in peace without others to bother him anyway. First he prayed and then he ate his food slowly. It wasn't until he heard someone settling down across from him did he raised his eyes. He glanced up from under long, blond eyelashes and stared at the black haired father smiling at him.

"Alone again?" Tsuzuki asked with a grin.

"...yeah," he replied and then promptly ignored the Father.

He could hear the man talking, but he never replied, eating silently like usual. The only difference was that other students were beginning to look at him. They never did, but since Father Tsuzuki was sitting across from him and chatting away, he was getting attention. He heard one of them whisper how rude he was for ignoring a priest. He scowled and glared over at Tsuzuki. This was his fault. If only he would leave him alone then the other students would not pay any heed to him. They would ignore like the cursed person he was. "Why are you so intent on talking to me?" Hisoka asked, interrupting Tsuzuki's rant.

Tsuzuki stared at him, blinking and then smiling, "Because you look like you need a friend."

With a roll of his eyes, he finished eating and quickly got up. Grabbing his bag and tray, he walked over to the server counter and set his tray down for the students on duty to clean it up. Turning on his heels, he started walking out of the cafeteria. A few seconds later, he heard footsteps following after him. Hisoka cluck his tongue, coming to a halt and turning around to face the following man. Tsuzuki nearly crashed into him, but quickly caught himself, smiling sheepishly down at him. "I suggest you stop following me, Father Tsuzuki. It may spread rumors," Hisoka said.

"Rumors? What kind?" Tsuzuki asked innocently.

"Rumors such as...that I have seduced you, a father, a priest...a man."

"What nonsense is that? I merely want to befriend a student of mine."

"No teacher or priest should be friends with a student. You are the guider, the one who leads us with God's words. Nothing more."

"Well I don't like to think that way."

Sighing, he shook his head and turned again. There was no use talking sense to the man. He started walking again with Tsuzuki following closely behind in silence. Suddenly, a group of students trapped Tsuzuki, leaving Hisoka alone to continue his walk to his destination. While he got farther away from the crowd, he heard one of the students say something to Tsuzuki.

"You shouldn't get close to him, Father Tsuzuki," the boy said.

"Why not?" Tsuzuki asked.

"Oh? You don't know?" another student asked.

"Hm?" Tsuzuki muttered, "What?"

"He is cursed, Father Tsuzuki!" replied another, "Anyone who gets close to him dies. Did you know, his fraternal twin brother died, here at this place!"

Hisoka scowled, clocking out the rest of the conversation. It was not his fault or so he wanted to believe. He didn't blame the other students for calling him cursed. It was true anyway. If only he had not been born, maybe his brother would still be alive. He would be happy and living with the one person he loved. A sudden nausea overcame him. He stumbled, but quickly leaned against the wall for support. He tilted his head down, taking deep breaths. The scent of fresh flowers invade his sense of smell. A sign of oncoming spring. He opened his eyes and turned his head. He stared at the garden. Fading images of Hijiri running through the garden appeared in front of him.

"_Hisoka! Look!" Hijiri yelled, "A rainbow!"_

"_Slow down Hijiri," Hisoka said, following after his twin brother with a small smile on his face, "If Abbot Gerald saw us here, we're going to get a big lecture."_

"_Who cares!"_

_Hisoka rolled his eyes. He should have known Hijiri didn't care much for the sermon they were suppose to attend. He watched on silently as Hijiri spread his arms wide. For a second, he thought he could see wings spreading from his brother's back. Gasping at the sight, he wanted to reach out and hold onto him. It was as if Hijiri would take flight and leave him all alone. _

"_What are you two doing?" came a voice. _

_Startled, Hisoka quickly whipped to the side. Father Mizuki stood in the hall, watching the two of them with a smile on face. Hisoka blushed and glanced down as Hijiri quickly rushed to his side and apologized, telling Father Mizuki he merely wanted to show him a rainbow. He heard Father Mizuki chuckle. Slowly, he looked up and stared at the Father._

"_Alright, I think you two have seen enough. Come now, you're suppose to be at the sermon," Father Mizuki said, "Let us go, you two."_

"_Okay," Hijiri said, wrapping his hand around Hisoka, "Let's go big bro."_

_Nodding his head, he allowed Hijiri to lead him. They strolled over to Father Mizuki's side and walked with him. _

From where he stood, he could see the translucent image of the group walking toward him. Taking a gasp, Hisoka watched as the images walk through him and disappeared with Hijiri's fading voice floating away with the wind. He wanted to cry, to reach out to the fading picture of Hijiri and cling to it. Turning in hopes to see him again, he only found an empty hall. He shuddered and wrapped his arms around himself, muttering a prayer under his breath.

"And what are you doing here all alone?" asked a cold voice.

Gasping, Hisoka looked over his shoulder. Mursaki stood close behind him, staring at him intently. He trembled, shaking his head. His voice was lost somewhere as his body racked with the cold, dead images of his dead brother and Father Mizuki. "I..." he stared, but let his sentence trail.

"Is it your brother again?" Muraki asked.

"His soul haunts me."

"No such thing. His soul has joined God. Why would he ever haunt you? You are his dear, beloved brother."

"He cannot forgive me. Him and...Father Mizuki. They cannot forgive me, so their souls haunt me. I am tainted...I have sinned Father Muraki. I cannot go on."

"Suicide is a sin in itself as well, Hisoka. You must live."

"But..."

"Hush now child."

Muraki pulled him into a cold embrace. His continued to shake in the Father's arm. Being his arms brought back memories of the night of Hijiri's death. It was his secret...and Father Muraki's as well. He screamed and pushed Muraki away. One look at the Father told him Muraki did not feel a bit of sympathy. In bright, warm sunlight of the day, Hisoka felt cold. Muraki was smiling at him, a chilling smile that sent shivers down his spine. He ran away from the older man, afraid for himself. He burst into his room, closing the door behind him with a loud thud. The cruel smile of the Father dressed in white plagued him. Sliding onto the floor with his back pressed against the door, he pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. His body quivered violently as choked sobs escaped his lips. He wanted to puke at the flickering images of Hijiri's dead body. "No...no," he sobbed. It hurt to see it replay over his head. He felt alone in the world. No one would ever understand the pain he went through. No one would ever understand the secret he held. Alone in the world, alone wherever he went. He could never be saved.

A knock on his door stirred him from his sleep. Groggily, he sat up from his bed, rubbing his eyes. He swung his feet over the edge of the bed and quietly walked over to the door. One look out the window told him it was still in the afternoon. He hadn't slept for that long. He opened the door and stared at Father Tsuzuki. He blinked and then asked, "Yes?"

"You didn't come to the sermon after lunch. I was worry," he said softly, "Are you alright? You look a little pale."

"I...am fine," Hisoka replied, "Just tired."

"I see...can I come in?"

Hisoka stepped aside, allowing Tsuzuki to walk pass him. He closed the door and turned, eying the man as he walked around the tiny dorm room. He eventually seated himself on the chair near the desk. Hisoka walked over to his bed and sat down. There was a long silence between them with Tsuzuki staring at him. It became uncomfortable with the man there, saying nothing, but only staring. He squirmed under the watchful gaze. "Wha-what?" he asked.

"Nothing...actually, I would wondering if something was bothering you. If you want to talk, I'm here to listen," Tsuzuki replied gently, "Talk to me."

A sigh left his lips. He turned his gaze away, staring out the square window. He could not tell Tsuzuki what was bothering him. If he did, then the secret would be out. He could not let anyone else know of his sin. He shook his head, pressing his lips together into a thin line. He heard Tsuzuki sigh in disappointment, but even that did not tempt him to say a thing.

"I want to relieve you of the burden you carry," Tsuzuki whispered.

"What are you talking about?" Hisoka asked, hissing as he glared at the Father.

"Do not be mistaken. I did not hear this from other students. One look at you and I knew you were carrying a heavy burden. Your eyes were constantly staring off as if you weren't even here. You're always alone and you don't others to get near you. I want to know...I want to help you."

"There is nothing you can do."

"Is it about your brother?"

"How..." Hisoka frowned, looking away with a scowl. He should have known the other students would tell the man about the incident. Rumors had began to spread about his brother, saying he was a homosexual who seduced men to his bed and Father Mizuki was his target. The rumors didn't seem to affect his brother, but for him, it did. He didn't like it. A few weeks after the rumors spread, his brother was found dead in the church. His body was mutilated and placed before the altar as if he was some sacrifice. Three days later, Father Mizuki's body was found off the shore of the school. His injuries were similar to Hijiri's. There was investigation, but there was no lead and eventually the case went cold. That was only a year ago. "My brother...was precious to me," Hisoka whispered, not knowing why he was telling Tsuzuki, "He was everything. He was like an angel...one time, I saw wings on his back and I felt as if he would fly away from me. I never thought it would be true. And I was..." Hisoka choked on his words. He could not say them. No matter how much he knew it was his fault, he could not say the words.

"It is not your fault," Tsuzuki whispered, moving over to sit next to him and wrapping his arms around.

He did not know why, but being in Tsuzuki's embrace made him feel protected. He broke into tears, wrapping his arms around the other man. No one had ever told him it wasn't his fault. All the looks he received from everyone always accused him. And he couldn't agree more with them. It was his fault. He was cursed to a lonely life.

Tsuzuki cooed, hushing him, "It is alright."

"No...no..." Hisoka sobbed and then pulled away from Tsuzuki, "You should not come near me."

"Why?"

"Because I am cursed."

"I do not believe the words of the other students."

"But it is true!"

Hisoka stood, walked away from Tsuzuki. His back turned toward the other man as he faced the window. He stared out of it, his hand pressed against the glass. For if it was not him, then Hijiri would still be alive. Father Mizuki would not have suffered the same fate as Hijiri. He should have been the one to die. He should have been killed. A shuddering sigh left him as he leaned his forehead and tapped it against the window. "I am cursed..." he whispered.

"Why do you say that?" Tsuzuki asked.

The words left him easily, "Because I am the one who killed Hijiri and Father Mizuki..."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Yami no Matsuei

**Author's Note**: Characters may be out of character. This fanfiction has nothing to do with the manga/anime and will never be related to it. This will be yaoi, which means boy x boy. If you do not like that genre, please do not read. Rated M to be on the safe side.

**Warning**: Rated M for mature content.

* * *

**Chapter Three: Doll**

His body trembled from his confession. Closing his eyes, he waited to hear Father Tsuzuki's hateful voice, but as the minutes ticked by, he didn't hear a word from the older man. Eyes fluttering open, he turned to look at the priest. Tsuzuki was still sitting on his bed, but he had a smile on his face. Hisoka didn't understand. His confession of murder shouldn't be something to smile about. "Why aren't you...accusing me? Or condemning me?" he asked cautiously.

"Why should I?" Tsuzuki asked with a tiled of his head, "I don't believe you killed anyone. Even if you say so yourself...I don't think you're capable of it."

"Then you are a fool." Hisoka scowled, moving over to the bed across from Tsuzuki.

"Is someone threatening you?"

"No."

"You can tell me. I will protect you."

Hisoka laughed, but it was humorless. He stood abruptly, anger flaring as he glared at Father Tsuzuki. "And how will you protect me? I am not one who deserves it. I have sinned and you as a priest, should condemn me to hell. I don't deserve to live...but my brother...Hijiri, he should have lived. It was my fault. Because I..." Hisoka could not go on talking. The night of his brother's death, he could still see it fresh in his mind. The stench of rusted iron filled the air, invading his nose. He heaved, nearly puking as an image of a raised hand holding a bloodied machete flickered across his mind. He stumbled, but Tsuzuki was quick on his feet, catching him before he fell. He held onto the priest tightly, breathing heavily. Slowly, Father Tsuzuki lowered him onto the bed.

"Are you okay?" Tsuzuki asked gently with concern laced in his voice.

Shaking his head, Hisoka whispered, "I can't go on like this anymore. Please...please, I beg you, free me from his plague!"

"What would you ask of me?"

"Kill me."

Hisoka raised his head, staring straight into Tsuzuki's amethyst's eyes. They were so beautiful like gems winking with every touch of sunlight, enchanting him immediately. Lifting his hands, he caressed the older man's cheeks. "Would you kill me," he asked quietly, "if I begged for it?"

"I can't. I won't kill you," Tsuzuki answered.

"Then this is my punishment. I'll go on living with my brother and Father Mizuki haunting me."

"I'm sure your brother and Father Mizuki will never do that. The way you speak of them, I know you loved them dearly and they loved you too. They would never haunt you."

He gave the father a wry smile, "I wish I could believe that."

"You should sleep," Tsuzuki said as he gently lay him down and pulled away.

Before Father Tsuzuki's hand could leave him, Hisoka grabbed it and held onto it tightly. "Don't leave me," he whispered, almost childishly, "I'm scared. When darkness falls...it brings me monsters in my dreams." His body trembled. He knew it was wrong to ask a Father to stay with him, but he didn't want to be alone. He has been alone for far too long and Tsuzuki's presence, for some odd reason, soothed him. He closed his eyes, a tear staining the corner of his eyes. Suddenly, the bed dipped. His eyes fluttered open again. His green eyes stared into amethyst ones. Father Tsuzuki's eyes were only filled with concern and kindness. There was not a hint of hate or condemnation. Sighing contently, Hisoka closed his eyes again, letting the shadows of the abyss take him into a slumber.

When morning came, he expected Father Tsuzuki to be gone. However, the warmth beside him told a different story. Hisoka blinked groggily, but woke up immediately at the sight of the priest sleeping beside him. Quietly, he sat up. Father Tsuzuki was sleeping with his body slightly bent. He most likely fell asleep while holding his hand, which was still firmly grasped. He tugged his hands away, but Tsuzuki only tightened his hold. Hisoka frowned, yet he didn't find it annoying. It was actually cute. A small smile flickered across his lips, but quickly disappeared. Slowly, he reached his free hand over and brushed away brown locks of hair from the Father's face. Sunlight poured through the colorful stained glass window, displaying them across Tsuzuki's features. Cream colored skin was painted in a kaleidoscopic hue. Long, black eyelashes brushed against his unblemished cheeks. His lips parted slightly as he breathed evenly. Hisoka couldn't help, but run his fingertips gently over high cheekbones, to a perfectly, straight-edge nose, down to soft lips where hot breaths brushed against his palm. He them across, gasping slightly as a pink tongue darted out to lick away whatever that was tickling his lips. Hisoka bit his lower lip from laughing. He had pulled his hand away, but he reached back again and continued his tracing. The tips of his fingers drew across a smooth jaw line and then traced a line down to the Father's neck where he felt the steady pulse of the other man. He gulped slowly, staring at the pale neck. He leaned in closer, not even sure what he was doing when the door to his room burst open. Hisoka quickly drew back just as Father Tsuzuki sat up abruptly. He was still groggy with sleep and was mumbling as he whipped his around confusedly. Hisoka looked away from the priest toward the door where Abbot Gerald now stood, fuming in anger. He swallowed in fear. He knew what the sight might have looked like. A student and a Father in the same room and not only that, but Tsuzuki had spent the night, slept in his bed and now they were found together in the same bed. He tried to speak, but no words would come out. The only thing that kept going through his head were the words _homosexual, fag, queer...sinner_. He made a mistake asking Father Tsuzuki to stay. He actually didn't think the man would stay, but now the Father would get in trouble because of him.

"Father Tsuzuki!" Abbot Gerald's voice boomed inside the tiny dorm room, "You barely started and you're already causing a mess! A Father in a student's room?! No less, a boy! A minor..."

The abbot's voice hissed in cruel disgust. He eyed Hisoka in contempt before bringing his scalding eyes to a quivering Tsuzuki. Hisoka thought the man looked a little like a puppy. He had to bite back a laugh at the thought or the abbot would have gotten angrier. Tsuzuki stood and twisted his hands, fiddling them constantly as he tried to explain.

"Abbot Gerald...I can explain," he said.

"And you better have a good explanation or I will have you thrown out for improper conduct...an act of sin!" Abbot Gerald yelled accusingly.

"It isn't really what it looks like," Father Tsuzuki said, "I really just slept. I didn't mean to, but Hisoka missed out on the nightly sermon yesterday and as Father and a teacher, I was worried. I came to check up on him and he wasn't feeling well. I stayed the night to keep watch over him, but as you can see, I fell asleep by accident."

Hisoka's eyes widen at Tsuzuki's lie. Suddenly, the abbot turned his attention to him. He quickly averted his gaze. Silence consumed the room until all he could hear were their breathings. Hisoka shifted in the bed and then brought his gaze back up.

"Is that true, Kurosaki?" Abbot Gerald asked with a raised brow.

"Ye-yes. I wasn't feeling well and Father Tsuzuki came to check up on me. I apologize. I shouldn't have let him stay with me," Hisoka said quietly, almost a whisper.

The abbot scrutinize his glare on him, but eventually the abbot gave up. Whether he believed their lie or not, he didn't know. The two of them were told they had missed the morning sermon. Hisoka was to go to class if he felt better and Tsuzuki had to go to the abbot's office. Although his actions were meant to be kind, it was still wrong for him to have stayed the night. Hisoka just knew Tsuzuki was going to get a long lecture. As Abbot Gerald left the room, Tsuzuki turned toward and sighed sadly. Hisoka smiled and noticed that Tsuzuki had caught it. He quickly wipe it, but the Father had already seen it and now he was smiling. Rolling his eyes, he shooed the priest away as he got up to get ready for class. However, before Father Tsuzuki could leave, Hisoka stopped him. Tsuzuki turned around and tilted his head questioningly. He fiddled with his fingers as he struggled to find words. Finally, he said quietly, "Thank...you. For yesterday...I...last night was the best I had ever slept since my brother's, Hijiri's, death."

"No need," Father Tsuzuki said gently, "I am here to help my students." Smiling, he turned around and left, closing the door with a quiet thud,

Alone, Hisoka's mind wandered back to what he did when he had woken up. He was lucky Father Tsuzuki had not awaken. If he did, he wondered what the Father would have thought. Even he had no idea why he had done what he did. Shaking his head, he returned to getting ready for class.

Throughout the day, voices whispered behind his back or every time he passed by other students. Other sneered and stared in disgust. He knew word would have traveled about what happened between him and Father Tsuzuki. Some of the boys even had the nerve call him a fagot out loud or told him he should leave the school for sinning. He ignored them all, minding his own business. After all, he knew the truth and so did Father Tsuzuki. There was no need to take their words to heart. They were all arrogant brats anyway.

When the time came for his last class, he was hoping to see Father Tsuzuki, but he was not there. In his place was Father Muraki. Their eyes locked and he shivered at the sight of cold, silver eyes. He quickly turned away, making his way to his desk, but he could feel Muraki's eyes on him. Hisoka bit his lower lip, keeping his gaze averted. He did not want to look the silver haired man in the eyes. He was afraid. As he opened his bible, something fell out. Blinking, he glanced to the floor. The flower, now nearly faded from color, dead, and practically mushed stared back at him. He leaned over to pick it up, but noticed his hands trembled. He quickly grabbed the flower, wincing as a thorn pricked his index finger. The flower dropped back to the floor as he stared at the blood pooling out from his skin. Again, he reached for the flower and stuck it back in the bible before sucking on his finger. The iron, metallic taste of blood filled his mouth immediately. He nearly gagged. And then he could feel eyes on him once more. Slowly, he lifted his eyes. Father Muraki was staring at him intently. Or rather, Father Muraki's gaze was set on the index finger inside his mouth. Hisoka removed his finger, pulling it out as quickly as he could, but saliva had dribbled and a trail of it connected between his lips and finger. Clenching his teeth together, he shoved his hand down to his laps and wiped off the excess saliva before looking away again.

Father Muraki cleared his throat and started class. "Let us first begin with Genesis. Turn to chapter nineteen...the story of Sodom."

Hisoka tensed. He whipped his head up, glaring at the Father standing in front of the class, but Muraki merely smiled as if taunting him. He continued with the lesson and every time the word homosexual or sodomite popped up, Hisoka squirmed in his seat. He knew Father Muraki was doing this on purpose and the students did as well because every time Father Muraki emphasized the word sodomite, the students would ever-so-indiscreetly glance at him and then snicker. By the time class was nearly over, Hisoka was seething in anger, hate, embarrassment, and self-loathing. As if talking about how sinful homosexuality wasn't enough, Father Muraki shed the spotlight on him with one question.

"Now, Kurosaki, why don't you tell us what Leviticus, chapter eighteen, verse twenty-two says?" he asked.

Hisoka glared at Father Muraki as he stood. He answered through clenched teeth, "You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female. It is an abomination."

Once he finished answering, the class ended. He waited until everyone was gone and all who was left inside the classroom was him and Father Muraki. He packed his items, stuffing them into his bag. Swinging it over his shoulder, he moved to leave, but Father Muraki was now standing in front of him and blocking his way. He tried to step around him, but the priest stayed in the way. Hisoka was on the edge now. He wanted to yell at the man standing in front of him. He had no right to humiliate him in front of the class like he did. Hisoka lifted his hand unconsciously and tried to slap the Father, but his hand was easily caught. A large hand wrapped around his tiny effortlessly. He stepped back, pulling his hand, but Muraki kept a good hold on it. Suddenly, he was afraid. He feared what Muraki could do to him. He began to shiver, tugging his hand fervently. "Let. Me. Go," Hisoka hissed.

"Now, now Hisoka, I'm not going to hurt you," Father Muraki said with a placating tone.

"Well, you're hurting me right now," Hisoka said, wincing as the grasp on his wrist tightened, "Let go."

"It would be a pity if Father Tsuzuki ended up like Father Mizuki and Hijiri."

Hisoka stopped struggling. He turned his fearful eyes upward to Muraki, shaking his head. "No, please don't. He didn't...we _didn't do _anything. He jus-he just fell asleep in my room."

"That's good. I have taken quite the liking to Father Tsuzuki and since my little doll is broken, I thought maybe I might find a new one."

"No! Please don't hurt Father Tsuzuki. He is a good man. Not like...not like Father Mizuki."

"Or Hijiri."

"Hijiri wasn't bad!"

"Then I wonder why he was punished."

"He...he was just..." Hisoka fumbled with his words. Sucking in a breath, he pried his wrist free. Standing up straighter, he stared Father Muraki in the eyes. Although he was afraid, he would not show it. "What do you ask of me, Father Muraki?"

Father Muraki smiled slowly, letting a menacing expression fall over his face, giving him a maniac look. "Has my doll decided to be a good boy again?"

"_Your doll_ has always been good," Hisoka replied with a firm tone.

"Of course he has..." Muraki ran the tip of his index finger down Hisoka's cheek, smiling when he trembled. "Good, good. Come to my room tonight."

It wasn't a question, but rather a demand. Hisoka knew all too well. He shuddered. Even though he wanted to refuse, he didn't want Father Tsuzuki to be this man's prey. He rather put himself in that place. Nodding his head silently, he agreed. Father Muraki stepped away, allowing him to leave, but of course he was never able to leave. Muraki had a firm hold on him, shackling him down to the darkness. Walking pass the priest, he kept his eyes lowered and left the classroom in silence.

It was a few minutes before curfew. Hisoka sat on the pew in the church with his head lowered and his hands folded together. He bit back sobs. _God, what I have done? _The thought made him laugh to himself. His body shook as he laughed quietly, but then he burst out into a maniac laugh. Throwing his head back, he immediately stopped laughing and stared up at the cross of Jesus. "Sold myself to the devil, that's what," he answered his own question. He slumped into the seat, bringing his hands over his face to cover it. He bit back another sob. He wasn't pure or innocent. Not anymore. Not ever since Hijiri's death.

"It's almost curfew, shouldn't you be getting to bed," a familiar voice said right beside him.

Hisoka jumped in surprise. He swiveled over and looked over to his right. Father Tsuzuki was sitting next to him with a smile like usual. The man always had a way of sneaking up on him. Hisoka glanced away. He didn't want Father Tsuzuki to see how dirty he was. He wrapped his arms around himself and shrugged. "I'll go eventually," he mumbled.

"Praying?" Tsuzuki inquired.

"Sort of."

"Something is bothering you again. You can tell me, you know."

"..." Hisoka stared at the altar and then slowly turned to Father Tsuzuki. "You shouldn't come near me." he stood and pushed pass the man. As he turned toward the door, a hand wrapped around his arm, tugging him around. Hisoka whirled, surprised to see Tsuzuki frowning, but concern filled his beautiful eyes.

"I won't force you to tell me what's wrong, but always know that I am here to listen. You can tell me anything and I _will _help you. I promise," he said.

"You shouldn't make promises you can't keep," Hisoka said as he pulled his arm free. Before Tsuzuki could say anymore, he ran out of the church. He wanted to tell Father Tsuzuki everything, but then what would he think afterward? Everyone else hated him, used him, and ignored him. Tsuzuki had been the first for a long time since anyone started paying attention to him. As much as he wanted to deny his feelings, he craved the attention. There was no look of judgment in the Father's eyes. Only kindness and concern. He wanted to be looked at more with those eyes...those beautiful amethyst eyes like rare gems. Shoving the thoughts away, he made his way to Father Muraki's room. There was no more room to think about such silly thoughts. Eventually, Father Tsuzuki would come to hate him too. Inhaling, he breathing out slowly and raised his hand to knock on the wooden door.

Twice he knocked. The door opened, revealing Father Muraki dressed in only a robe. He stepped aside to let Hisoka in. Taking a quick glance around the hall, noting there was no one in sight, he shuffled inside. Muraki walked around him, touching his shoulder gently before slipping the white robe off. Muraki was naked and as he turned, Hisoka saw the erect cock. Bringing his gaze upward, he looked the Father in the eyes. Father Muraki was well toned with muscles. If Hisoka hadn't known the secrets that body held, he would have stared upon his body in awe. But he knew too much.

Keeping his eyes on the older man, Hisoka stripped, starting first with his shirt and then his pants, followed by his underwear. Stepping out of them, he slipped off his shoes and socks as well. A hand held out to him and he stared at it for a long time. Taking another breath, he grabbed the hand and let himself be pulled into the cold darkness.


End file.
